I remember when I was young the goal was always to find someone to complete me, my other half, my better half, but when I started to grow into my own individual being I realized how important it was to be a whole rather than a half.
My whole life I have always been surrounded around toxic relationships. I learned a lot about what not to do in relationships. I had to be in a lot of bad relationships, and then surround myself with incredible relationships to know the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship.
Healthy dating and relationships are two wholes, not two halves. In my adolescent days I would often get into relationship and change every little part of me to fit within the tiny bubble of what I thought was the “expectation” of who I was suppose to become in that particular relationship. I didn’t realize that the moment I changed into someone else to simply entertain the idea of this relationship was the moment the relationship was doomed to fail.
When someone becomes enamoured with you it’s because they like you as an individual and then if all the sudden you become someone else because of that relationship, why would they like you when you aren’t who they liked in the first place?
I personally think that your single season is one of the most important seasons you will ever be in, yet most people try to rush this season to become married. I have not only been able to find, and build my identity through my single season, but I have been able to learn so many things that will prepare me for when someone comes into my life. God has surrounded me around incredible people with phenomenal marriages and I have learned a lot just by being able to observe the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. I know that if God had rushed the process of me finding someone that I wouldn’t be complete on my own, and I would have been in an unhealthy relationship because I was not a healthy individual.
It has been so crucial to take time to figure out who I am as one, learn the lessons that God is teaching me daily, and surround myself with a community that lifts me up, encourages me and speaks life into me. It has been incredible to see how he has redeemed the idea of “relationships” in my life. God didn’t bring us into the world as a couple he brought us as an individual. Matthew 22 says `Love the Lord your God & Love your neighbour as yourself. So it goes Love God, Love Yourself & then love your neighbour.
If we aren’t at full capacity as single people how can we put out full capacity as a couple. People often say they want someone to complete them, but it is always best to have two wholes rather than two half’s. So why wouldn’t you want to be whole on your own and find someone who compliments you rather than completes you.
Written By Michelle Apples
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