What Is Your Attachment Style?
Have you found it difficult to maintain relationships? Perhaps you are finding that majority of relationships you end up in seem to feel unhealthy or toxic?
If this is you then maybe you need to start asking yourself some questions to pin point if your attachment style id hindering the relationships you are in?
What is Attachment theory you may be asking? Attachment Theory is a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans.
Attachment theory was first described by John Bowlby, a psychoanalyst who researched the effects of separation between infants and their parents. In Bowlby’s research he found that infants have 3 attachment styles, find them HERE
These three which aren’t the only attachment styles, but the main ones we are going to talk about.
The Three Main Attachment Styles Are:
Secure Attachment Style: These infants showed distress upon separation but sought comfort and were easily comforted when the parents returned;
Anxious Attachment Style: A smaller portion of infants experienced greater levels of distress and, upon reuniting with the parents, seemed both to seek comfort and to attempt to “punish” the parents for leaving.
Avoidant Attachment Style: Infants in the third category showed no stress or minimal stress upon separation from the parents and either ignored the parents upon reuniting or actively avoided the parents
This is said to effect the way adults deal with romantic relationships. So how do you know your attachment style & what can you do to change your attachment style? The greatest thing you can do is to be aware of what your attachment style may be? Do you tend to run when things get difficult, and block yourself off from the chaos or perhaps you cling even tighter when things feel unstable?
By becoming self aware of these things, we get to combat them and not let them hinder our romantic relationships. In Romans 12:2 it says to “not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
We are to not allow these patterns of worldly things to hinder God’s good, pleasing and perfect will and how we do this is consistently test if this is :Godly thinking” or is this the ways of the world. Remembering that we need to continuously renew our minds. If your mind is telling you to run away from something, than perhaps we need to renew our thinking to No, I am going to stay and not run away. Or if you are being clingy and holding on for dear life to someone, maybe you need to remind yourself to Let Go and Let God work it out on your behalf.
It is never easy to fight fear with faith, but it is always worth it in the long run to consistently remind yourself that God is in control, He is the ultimate provider and cares about your well being. Yes, these things may be currently hindering your relationships, but your attachment styles doesn’t get the final say – God does! So don’t let your attachment style deter you from stepping out in faith for the Godly relationship you desire.
Want to understand more on Attachment Style, Find out your Attachment Style + how to work on improving relationships?
Check out our podcast episode on Attachment Theory Here
Written By Michelle Apples
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian Matchmaking, Christian Speed Dating, upcoming Christian Retreats, Events, Trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
