This topic won second place in Single Plus’ recent poll. How do you deal with discouragement as a single? How do you combat it when almost every day you’re reminded of what you don’t have? Everyone else gets what they want, and you’re left with the “short end of the stick.”
Where is God in all of this? Does He even care? Can He feel your pain?
I’ve asked these questions countless times and I want you to know, “it’s okay.” I think sometimes singles face ridicule for feeling discouraged. We hear, “you shouldn’t feel that way. God is your everything.” Or “be content,” and “wait until you get married. You’ll appreciate your singleness then.”
I try to hear the heart behind these statements because let’s face it, most people don’t know what to say. They think they’re helping, but it only makes it worse. For once I’d like to hear, “you know, I don’t know why God has kept you in this season, but remember you’re not forgotten. I’m here if you need to share, and I encourage you to keep trusting His plan for your life.” That sounds way more empathetic than, “you should just enjoy your singleness while you can.”
The pain is real. There are tear stained pillows out there. We have both men and women believing, “maybe marriage is just not in the cards for me.” Some give up. I’m here to embrace you and say once again, “it’s okay.” Who else is welcoming you along with your pain? Jesus Christ.
He’s not shocked, and He’s not disappointed in you for not being a “strong Christian.” You can come to Him with all of your doubts, fears, resentment, even anger. He can handle it all. Get into His presence. That’s the first thing I would encourage you to do. He’s waiting.
What’s next? How can you combat discouragement? I’ll give you something that I’ve mentioned before, but back in 2015, God revealed something profound to me in prayer. I was having a moment, venting my pain to God about my singleness. Then I heard, “if you feel like this, imagine how he feels?”
Can we say mind blown? I was so focused on myself that I failed to consider what my future husband was going through. Was he just as discouraged as I was? Trying to find me, but dealing with rejection and heartbreak? Was he in a toxic relationship, settling because he thought I didn’t exist? The possibilities ran through my mind, and immediately I started praying for him. Something broke that night in the spirit, so every time I got discouraged, I would start praying for my future spouse.
I challenge you today to pray for your spouse every time you feel discouraged. Every time you feel shortchanged. For every tear you cry, put yourself in their shoes. Does it change your marital status? No, but it takes the focus off of you for a while. You become a praying spouse without technically being one.
I heard the saying in a YouTube video, “keep praying, keep believing, keep serving, and keep growing.” I don’t have the deadline of when your singleness will be over. I don’t have a calendar with a marked date.
What can I tell you? God is faithful. Even when you’re discouraged, you can still trust Him. You don’t have to buy into the enemy’s lies or even the insecurities you may tell yourself. Lean into your Heavenly Father, knowing He will sustain you. Even when it’s hard, and it will be, you know that once you reach the other side, you can look back and say, “It was worth it.”
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus & on Instagram @mysingleplus
