Should I Make A Dating Checklist? Short Answer Yes, Long Answer It’s Complicated.
Lists can be a great thing, but they can also be harmful when looking for our potential mate. Everyone has a list of qualities, characteristics, and attributes they want in a partner, but so often we are swayed by culture, or by things we were taught in our upbringing and subconsciously it affects us without even realizing it that we don’t give people a chance based on an outer appearance.
Lists can often impair our ability to actually see people, to let people in, and to truly love people. We tend to look for things that are surface level, materialistic or things that in the long run don’t really matter. On the other hand I do believe that “if you don’t stand for something then you will fall for anything”. so Should I Make A Dating Checklist? Yes you should, but you should also check your heart posture and make sure your list aligns with the things of the Lord.
We need to start creating lists that are the standards God has set for us, not the standards the world has set for us and separating the things that are non negotiable and things that are merely preferences apart. By doing this we can know that if God himself looked at our list He would be proud that we have standards, but that we aren’t of this world, and what we look for others aren’t things the world has said, but the values, and morals that we learn from the word.
Should I Make A Dating Checklist?
I suggest people make a list that includes these three categories: Preferences, Criteria + Non Negotiable
Non Negotiable: may be that they are Christian, share the same values, this could also be alignment based (for example if you know you are called to be a missionary abroad than being with someone who feels called to stay put in one place may not make sense). or it could be that they don’t want children, and you want many.
Criteria: may be that they are emotionally stable, mature, and has done some healing work
Preferences: may be their height or race .This could be how close they are in distance to you, how they look or something that really holds no weight to their character.
Focusing on the non negotiable at the top of your list means that you have a standard for your dating and relationships, but are willing to give people that aren’t your “preferences” a chance. It means focusing on the things that truly do matter that will help your marriage last the test of time.
I have found that 90% of people I know that are married have said that their spouse was not their “type”
By following our feelings, our wants, or our desires rather than characteristics we tend to make wrong choices. We get so wrapped up in what looks good on the outside that all reason and logic go out the window. We start making excuses or allowing compromises in the characteristics or qualities we are looking for in a person – which are the things that will truly last in a healthy relationship.
So Should I Make A Dating Checklist? You can only find what you are looking for if you know what you are looking for but you need to re prioritize your list to ensure you are looking for the right things.
Written By Michelle Apples
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