Recently, my husband and I shared a heartfelt conversation with a woman navigating her dating life. As we talked for over an hour, a key question emerged: “How did you know?” Many Christian singles grapple with this, fearing the pain of a wrong decision. Remember, relationships can deeply impact our hearts, romantically or otherwise.
In my story, God showed my husband that I was his future wife. He kept this revelation to himself until after we were engaged, not wanting to influence my choice. He believed that if God truly spoke to him, time would confirm it. As for me, God didn’t explicitly tell me my husband was ‘the one.’ Unlike my past relationships, where I rushed in imagining each man as husband material, this time was different. God taught me to take it one day, one date at a time.
At a certain point, I asked myself, “Would God be pleased if I married this man, based on the Godly fruit I see in his life?” In my heart, the answer was a resounding yes. Sure, God could have directly told me, like He did my husband. However, He wanted me to trust in His voice, His promptings. This was an opportunity for growth, understanding that any decision made in true faith meant Jesus had my back, regardless of the outcome. Our faith lies not in the results but in Jesus, who never fails us.
So, if you’re wondering, “How do you know?” consider this: Do you trust God to lead you in the right direction? In my experience, I not only saw Godly fruit in my husband but also his consistent pursuit and clarity. With him, there was never confusion. Everything I prayed for, I found in his heart and character.
As Christians, our dating life is a walk of faith. We don’t need to over-spiritualize everything, but we can certainly partner with God. Approach dating with an open heart, inviting Holy Spirit for discernment. If it’s not right, it’s okay to walk away. If it feels right, continue with the confidence that clarity will come with time.
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus
& on Instagram @mysingleplus
Does God tell us who to marry? I’m unsure about this idea, but I don’t really think so.
The Bible doesn’t teach us anything about “soulmates,” nor does it promise marriage to any of us. Nor does God make life decisions for us. If God seems to give you a revelation about someone being “The One,” how can you be sure that it’s really from God? Is it just one of those “faith” things?
Marriages used to be arranged for a a very long time in human history. And in biblical times, when these passages were written. I think ideas about “The One” as applied to the modern dating scene originated, well, with the modern dating scene. These days, in the Western world, at least, parents and families are rather hands-off when it comes to who their children date, generally. In a world, like that, I can see why “The One” is such a popular idea. It just seems easier, and more comforting. To the modern world, strong marriages are made by good “matches.” If a marriage struggles or fails, apparently, it was because it was a bad “match.” But even the strongest marriages will have conflict. And, since God is, well, God, then He must know who the “best match” is for us. So we pray that he’ll give us some “sign” whether so-and-so is “The One” or not. Often, we want God to choose our spouse for us; it just seems safer or easier than choosing to love someone, without knowing how difficult or painful that will be.
Some are drawn to the idea because it sounds nice. Or easy. It seems to promise fulfullment when we’re lonely. Who doesn’t want to find the perfect love match? Some might teach that idea because it offers an easy way to try and comfort lonely singles.
It does raise lots of questions, though, for sure. If God, has some soulmate out there for you, how does He “confirm” to you that so-and-so is the right one? If your spouse dies and you re-marry, are there two “The Ones”? Lots of people will tell you that when you meet your soulmates, “you’ll just know.” Huh? How? Through a certain feeling? Signs? A storm of emotions?
Something else you’ll hear is “Make sure you wait for ‘The one’ God has – don’t settle”. Well, yikes. What could be more paralyzing?
Also, if there is such a thing as a soulmate, why has dating and marriage changed so much? Did God change His mind about how marriage is supposed to work? In ancient times, people married young, in their teens. Then, culturally, it changed to the late teens, and then the early twenties. Then, culturally, it became more common for it to be the late twenties and thirties in the modern age, apparently. Why? Does God want to “test” us futher these days?
And apparently, at first, this was all via arranged marriages, but then God changed things and along came the modern dating scene, apparently. And, apparently, it was God’s plan for people to mainyl marry wihtin their own race and social class, but then God decided to change those things, too, or something. What’s going on? And what if my spouse dies and I re-marry, as Paul said we were allowed to do? Do I have multiple soulmates?
It’s such a strange idea. “When you know, you know.” How is that helpful? It makes it sound like you bump into this “right person” and it’s immediately obvious and you never question it, ever. When you know, you know? What if I don’t know that I know? If I don’t know, does that mean this person is a no?
Something else people will say is that whatever’s happenign in your life right now is “God’s best” for you. So if you’re currently single, that’s God’s will for you today, and if you try too hard to change your circumstances, well, you’re bing rebellious and ungrateful. What if I’m currently being abused? Or homeless? Or unemployed? Is that “God’s best” for me today?
You can’t know when you know that this is the person you are to marry, but you can know if you found someone worth considering for marriage.
The Bible doesn’t say to look for “The One,” or even that there is such a thing as “The One.” Instead, it says to look for “someone” who has specific biblical character qualities, like in 1 Corinthians 7.
The idea of “matching” plays a big role here. But in order to know the “best option,” well, you have to know all the options. There’s no way you’re ever going to know every member of the opposite sex that you may find interesting. And a lot of these ideas probably jusr originated as platitudes to make people feel better when they’re hurting. It’s easier to spout platitudes than it is to offer practical advice that’ll actually help.
If marriage happens for you as a Christian, then it must be God’s will. If you end up single for you whole life, then that must be God’s will. Yeah, sure.
Of course, this raises the dreaded question of “What if I never get married?” I don’t like pondering this question, either, but it is a possibility. Statistically, though, most people do marry, so work on what you can today, to work towards the tomorrow you want. But don’t convince yourself that “The One” is out there, just waiting to be found.
Don’t mean to sound too preachy or anything, I just wonder about ideas like this, that’s all.