“Women outnumber men anyway, so there’s this feeling to compete.”
Is this an accurate statement? I can see the heart behind it as a woman, and statistics show women outnumber men. Therefore, we’re in a competition to see who wins. Right? Let’s face it. Shows like The Bachelor and Bachelorette don’t help in this area either. Whoever wins gets the prize (the man or woman) while the rest go home dealing with the rejection on national television.
In congruence with my podcast episode, “Competition in Dating,” let me remind you this is NOT a competition. You may feel that as a woman you have to act a certain way, be a certain size, or have a certain look according to culture to get a man to notice you. I hear your heart. It’s in our face every day in movies, television, and on social media. The world has the idea of what’s attractive and we think we have to follow along.
Don’t worry, men. I didn’t forget you. “If I’m not the bad boy type, she won’t give me a chance. I’m too nice. I keep getting friend zoned.”
Maybe you’re under six feet, no six-pack abs, or making under six figures. It’s not fair. I heard a pastor say, “That’s the mark of the beast. So ladies, you want to date the devil?”
Regardless, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. You lack nothing, and I encourage you to debunk from these unhealthy mindsets. Believe what God’s Word says. Rehearse His truth more than the lies you’ve believed.
I get it. Insecurities creep up on me too. The enemy knows where to hit my sore spots, and I feel like I have to fit into society’s mold. If you know the movie with Amanda Bynes What a Girl Wants, you’ll recognize the line, “why are you trying so hard to fit in when you’re born to stand out?”
Stand out today, my friends. Embrace your personality, your quirks, and your look. Start your own trend. If you’re introverted, be that! If you’re extroverted and love people, be that! It’s one thing to know your weaknesses and seek to improve, but if you’re picking yourself apart, stop.
The Creator of the universe doesn’t make mistakes. So, I challenge you to be yourself. You don’t have to compete. The right person will see who God made you to be.
There’ll never be another you. Be confident in that. That’s what’s attractive. Not perfection, but walking in wholeness.
So what do you do when you’re ghosted? Feeling rejected? Remember, it’s not a reflection on you. Sure, own up to your part in the relationship, but keep going.
Don’t compete. Don’t change your hair for attention, but because you want to embrace a new look and style. Get healthy for you, not to fit the mold of what society says is attractive. If you’re introverted, yes challenge yourself to meet new people and make friends, but when you need to recharge alone, do it. Embrace your good heart and don’t feel you need to be tough because someone said, “you’re too nice.”
Be so confident that when the right person shows up, they’ll look at you and say, “Wow, I want to know them.” The quirks that someone else made fun of, the right person will love. When you present yourself genuinely, yes, there is the risk of getting rejected, but I’d rather be with someone who sees what God sees in me, then have a relationship where I’m playing a role.
Isn’t that what we all want? Something real. Something that lasts. So start with God first, and as you love Him, He’ll show you how to love you. Then once the world sees you overflowing with Him, who knows when you’ll catch the eye of a special someone?
When? I don’t know. I don’t control time, but I know God is never late.
So be you. I read a quote that says, “Who we are is God’s gift to us, but what we become is our gift back to Him.” Don’t squander the gift to be something you’re not. Embrace it. Cherish it.
God loves you just the way you are and the right person will too. I am who God says. I don’t compete when He’s already given me the victory!
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus & on Instagram @mysingleplus
