I know some of you might be looking at 2023 and feeling like you’re trailing behind. Maybe you’re thinking, “I’m not where I hoped to be. I’m not married or in a relationship yet.” It’s totally normal to feel this way, but I want to remind you that you’re not behind. I’ve been learning that God operates beyond our understanding of time. When we think He’s cutting it close, He’s actually working on perfect timing.
But how do you cope with that deep longing for something like marriage or a relationship, especially when it feels like a legitimate need? It’s okay to yearn for a Godly relationship and marriage; no one should feel ashamed for that. However, whether you’re single or married, there’s always something in life we wish was a bit further along. This mindset can lead to never feeling satisfied or living fully in the present.
What’s been helping me while I wait for God to move in big ways in my life is the practice of remembering. It’s easy to overlook what He’s already done when we’re focused on the now. But when I recall how God’s hand has been on my life from my childhood, how He’s saved me and my loved ones, healed my heart after church hurts, and blessed me with an amazing husband after 12 years of feeling like marriage was out of reach, I’m just overwhelmed by His faithfulness.
So, what can you remember today to give thanks to God? Even if things didn’t turn out as you hoped, how did He step in to help? Remember, God can turn things around. And even if His timing isn’t what we expect, He’s still good. He’s still God.
So, let’s take a deep breath and step into this week with renewed faith and hope, knowing that while we wait, we’re growing, we’re learning, and we’re becoming exactly who God intended us to be. Remember, you’re doing just fine.
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Written by Daria White Osah
Her Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://dariawhite27.podbean.com/
Follow on Instagram @mysingleplus
If you’re single and you don’t want to be, you should do all you can to work on yourself, to become a person that a potential partner will want to date and marry, and take action to actually make these things happen.
Sure, you might not “feel satisfied”as a single. You can’t help the way these things make you feel. You still, however, have the power to make decisions and to take action. And we usually have to do these things when we’r e pursuing our goals.
I’m not sure how much God really involves Himself in our love lives. If I’d married young, and was happily married, I’m sure I’d be convinced that it was all a deliberate blessing from God. But maybe He just leaves these things up to us and to worldly circumstances.
Does God promise his followers a spouse if they desire one? No.
The Bible doesn’t mention this concept anywhere. In Matthew, Jesus clearly states that some people won’t get married (19:10-12) The Bible has good things to say about both marriage and singleness. When Paul talks about this (1 Corinthians 7), he writes that, if you’re single and struggle to control sexual desires, you should try to get married. In this case, the Bible encourages marriage. It does not, however, promise that it’ll work out for you if you do decide to pursue it. He does say that not everyone has the gift of singleness. But I’m sure that there’s many who lack this gift who, despite everything, still don’t find mates. There’s also married Christians who suddenly find themselves single due to freak accidents and unspeakable tragedies.This all sounds cruel and messed up, but we live in a cruel and messed-up world. It’s not necessarily God’s “plan” or God’s “fault.” It’s just a harsh world we live in. Paul himself cautioned singles about marriage “because of the present crisis.” If a Christian is single again because their spouse suddenly died in a freak accident, is that because God wanted to “bless” them with singleness again because of how amazing and wonderful it is? I doubt it. It’s just a bad world we live in.
I think cultural changes play a big role in the confusion. Dating is relatively recent phenomenon. In previous centuries of human history, parents were much more involved in finding mates for their children. These days, dating is sort of seen as something to do “for fun,” rather than for economic reasons. Parents, secular and Christian, tend to leave their children on their own to explore the “adventures” of love and hope and pray that it all works out. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But they still assume that God will come through for their kids. You see that at Christian weddings all the time. The parents will ususally come forward to pray for their children (usually into the microphone), and they almost always thank God for bringing their children together, and for answering the prayers of both parents and children. The assumption, of course, is that God played a key role in matching them and bringing them together.They won’t be able to find a Bible verse that backs that idea up, but the assumption remains. I think, perhaps unconsciously, Christians and Christian pastors are drawn to the idea of soulmates because it offers an easy way out. There’s no tough questions to ask, no obligation to practically help any Christian singles who desire marriage. “Not married? Want to get married? Discouraged or cynical about ever finding love? Not to worry! Just trust God and love Jesus! Everything will fall into place! Duh!….And if it doesn’t work out, it’s God’s will and God’s perfect plan, so stop complaining.”
If you do want to want to get married, it’s very important to build social skills, financial wisdom, a stable and well-paying career, a place to live, etc. Those things are all crucial. But it’s probably hard sometimes for pastors to find a way to fit practical advice about such topics into a sermon about Scripture.
Is God some sort of cosmic matchmaker? Maybe, I don’t know. If He is, well, He apparently forgot to inspire a biblical author to make that clear in the Bible. Maybe God has nothing to do with it. Maybe it’s just good luck and bad luck. That might sound absurd to some people. Well, the Christianese theology of “soulmates” and “waiting on the Lord” sounds equally absurd sometimes.
And it is difficult and often excrutiatingly painful. It’s OK to admit that. It’s not “idolatrous” to badly want marriage. It’s always deeply hurtful to have such strong desires for good things that remain unfulfilled, while God seems to grant them to other Christians for no apparent reason. But maybe God didn’t specifically decide to bless them with romantic love. Maybe those people just got lucky. It can sting a lot, and we don’t have to pretend otherwise by inventing silly Christianese clichés about the “gift of singleness” and “Jesus being our spouse” and “Jesus being enough,” and “being content” and “God will bring you a spouse” and other such nonsense.
If you want a romantic partner and a spouse, sure, things might work out for you, and you’ll meet someone by coincidence, and everything will fall into your lap without much effort. For some Christian singles, life turns out that way. If not, do all you can to make yourself into an attractive prospect, build a stable and healthy life for yourself, and actively date. Hopefully it’ll work out. But, in either case, it seems unclear to me what, exactly, God has to do with any of it.