I’ve mentioned this phrase before, but I want to go deeper. Do you know the difference between nurturing and nursing? I watched a YouTube video discussing these terms, and the definitions blew me away, especially relating it to dating.
Nurse, aside from the health profession, means to cure and alleviate. In a relationship, the person you’re dating runs to you for everything. You feel like they need you. You’re their therapist. They come to you to solve their problems. It’s draining you, but you may say, “They have potential.”
Potential is great, but is it kinetic? Do you see the growth or are you doing all the work? If someone is fully relying on you, you’re taking the place of God. That’s never good.
Nurture means to support and encourage the development of something. So in this case, the person is already moving towards a goal. They know their calling, self-aware, and making the steps. You’re simply there to help, give advice, and support.
They’re not expecting you to be everything to them. They know who they are in Christ, and you’re an asset to their life. They’re not burdening you with their problems. Again, it’s one thing to ask for help, but you’re not their savior. Jesus is.
Yet God can grace you for someone. God’s hand can be on your relationship to where you sharpen each other. You may be stronger in an area and can offer wisdom. That’s fine, because the person can take your advice as they seek God on what works best.
It’s a partnership. You’re both pursuing purpose and being together doesn’t clash with one another. You’re in sync and not dragging each other along. Or they’re hanging on to you.
Will you see eye to eye on everything? No, but because you’re graced for one another, you can handle it without it sucking the life out of you. Have you ever felt drained from a relationship? That shouldn’t be.
No, this doesn’t negate trials. Life happens, but there’s a difference between supporting versus someone who wants you to “have it all together” so you can be there for them. Their wellbeing supersedes yours. It’s either rooted in selfishness or they haven’t learned to depend on God, so they tie themselves to you.
I’m going to reference a passage in the Bible, also mentioned in Havilah Cunnington’s book, I Do Boundaries. In Galatians 6:2-5, it says we are to “bear one another’s burdens.” The word “burden” roughly translates to a “large rock,” “a crushing load,” or a “boulder.” Meaning this person can’t handle it on their own. So God has us help because it’s too much for them to carry.
Yet the passage continues and says “everyone should carry his own load.” This word translates roughly to meaning “cargo, “daily toll,” or “backpack.” Everybody has responsibilities they need to attend to. God doesn’t want us taking that on, especially if it’s a backpack situation.
If you’re finding yourself nursing or carrying someone’s backpack, I encourage you to step away. Only God can be everything to someone. It’s too much pressure for us as humans. We’ll burn out and neglect what God’s made us responsible for.
If you’re in the nurturing phase, great. God is using both of you. You’re sharpening one another as you seek Him together.
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus & on Instagram @mysingleplus
