I saw a post recently from a woman asking how to voice her boundaries to a potential suitor. She didn’t want to offend him, but she wanted her needs in their growing relationship known. There were quite a few responses, giving her advice, and she appreciated it.
What about you? How do you communicate your boundaries in dating? Honestly, this is another area that’s gotten way too complicated. All you have to do is say it.
Simple, right? Sure, but difficult for some.
I know there are probably “what ifs” running through your mind right now, especially the people pleasers. What if they don’t understand? I don’t want to offend them. What if they get mad and call things off? What if I have to start all over again?
Let’s backtrack a moment. The reason we have boundaries is that we want to honor the Lord and ourselves. It’s not meant to be a burden. They’re meant to set you up for success.
Too many boundaries get crossed in the dating phase, which only brings guilt and shame. Yes, God forgives and restores, but we shouldn’t take our weaknesses lightly. If you know your slip ups, use boundaries to protect yourself.
Next, the person you’re dating or interested in doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark. If you don’t communicate, then who’s really responsible if things go too far? Finally, if the person doesn’t understand your boundaries or gets offended, then that’s your clue.
They’re not right for you!
So how could you say this? “I’m enjoying getting to know you. You seem great, but I’m not comfortable with ___. I wanted to communicate this to you, so we’re on the same page.” Fill in the blank yourself. What’s a boundary for you?
Some may even agree immediately, but then try to push your limits to see if you’re serious. If you voice a boundary, stick to it. You know what convicts your spirit, so don’t ignore it just to keep someone around.
The right person will honor your boundaries. They won’t test you. They won’t make fun of you or say, “It’s not that serious. Lighten up.” Why? They’re trying to honor God, too. They may even have their own boundaries they wish to uphold. Will you respect theirs?
It’s one thing to want our boundaries respected, but do we reciprocate that? What if you think theirs is too extreme? For example, you may be okay with traveling alone together. It’s not a big deal with you, but they may have another opinion. They don’t want to put themselves in a tempting situation and may opt out. Do you make fun of them? Do you tell them they’re “overreacting?”
Of course not. We all should have a sense of self-awareness. We’re all weak somewhere, and again, we should live in a way that protects us and honors Jesus. What may convict you may not be as strong of a boundary for the other person. The point is, are you both seeking to please God?
It may look different, and that’s fine, as long as the goal remains the same. So don’t be afraid to voice your boundaries. Speak the truth with grace and love. If they don’t receive it, that’s a reflection of their character. Not yours, and remember, God will never bring someone into your life who’ll cause you to stumble. Or worse. Pull you further away from Him.
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus & on Instagram @mysingleplus
