Is There Such Thing As The One?
I don’t know about you, but when I was little I grew up watching movies of princesses that were sitting around waiting for their prince to come, fairytales with true love end stories, and I lived off of quotes such as “some day my prince will come”, or “I’m wishing for the one I love, to find me today.”
From such a young age we get this narrative that there is only one true love, only one prince and one white horse. Anyone who has ever been in a successful long term marriage will probably tell you there is no such thing as “The One”, why do I say that? because Marriage isn’t about falling in love, it’s about staying in love.
Is There Such Thing As The One?
There are 7.9 billion people in this world, if there was only one person for everyone – then if one person disobeyed (and we all know at least one person who married someone they probably shouldn’t have) Then it would throw off all of humanity, it would throw off everyone’s chances of meeting their one special person. So do I think that there is one person for everyone? No! I think we have been given a choice. We have been given free will, and we get the choice of who we end up with – so we better choose wisely.
I want to suggest that there isn’t just one person out there for anyone, but rather there is a #3 person out there for you and you already have your #1, his name is Jesus. The bible says “love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbour as yourself.
Is There Such Thing As The One?
No the order should be:
#1 Love God
#2 Love Yourself (because if you don’t love yourself – you won’t be able to give love)
#3 Love Others
If we look at the New Testament, Paul even goes as far to say “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39 which doesn’t just imply we have a choice, but it straight up tells you that the only restriction on who you marry is “he must belong to the Lord”
Is There Such Thing As The One? No
A good relationship isn’t something you find, it is something you choose, you create, and you cultivate. I would even go as far as saying thinking there is “The One” out there is actually hindering you from a healthy relationship because it implies that there is no work involved, it implies that it will just show up and everything will be glorious. A healthy relationship is something you show up to, you work hard at and you choose over and over every single day.
Relationships are complex. They are two flawed human beings who found each other, and now get to navigate life together with grace, humility and kindness. It takes work and two people willing to put in that work. so Is There Such Thing As The One? No we have choice, but that is why we must choose wisely. Our relationships will effect so many other areas of our life. Be prayerful when choosing, and include Holy Spirit into the decision – He is your friend, advocate and your helper that will show you the way to go.
Written By Michelle Apples
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Is there such a thing as “The One”? Probably not.
I have, actually, heard this idea preached. Of course, these are always from (well-meaning) couples in healthy, happy marriages. Easy for them to say. Where you stand on issues is often determined by where you sit.
One of the most annoying things you hear as a single person is when someone says the words, “There’s someone out there for you”. Even worse is the Christian version, “God has someone out there for you,” or other fun variations like, “God will bring the person in His timing,”, or one of my favorites, “God is just getting them ready for you.” Haha! I love that one!
Usually you hear this from well-meaning family members and friends when you express fear or frustration about being single, which is kinda understandable. Sometimes I hear this preached from pastors, who, I would think, should know better. But how would they know this for sure, exactly? They don’t.
Why do people tell you that, even though they have no way of knowing these things? Probably to make you feel better. Maybe because it makes them feel better. Often it’s married people telling us this. These married people will usually have met their spouse by coincidence, when they “stopped looking,” and assume that this means that it was some sort of special blessing from Heaven. They figured out the “Formula,” apparently.
The Bible doesn’t mention this idea anywhere. The idea of “soulmates” seems to have originated with Plato and Greek philosophy/mythology. The standard Christian teachings about the start of a marriage can be found in Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7, and neither of these passages mentions anything about “The One.” (7:39 is actually a great clue to this question) This chapter seems to indicate that we have the freedom to choose marriage or singleness. And nowhere in the Bible are we promised a spouse.
Marriages used to be arranged for a a very long time in human history. And in biblical times, when these passages were written. I think ideas about “The One” as applied to the modern dating scene originated, well, with the modern dating scene. These days, in the Western world, at least, parents and families are rather hands-off when it comes to who their children date, generally. In a world, like that, I can see why “The One” is such a popular idea. It just seems easier, and more comforting. To the modern world, strong marriages are made by good “matches.” If a marriage struggles or fails, apparently, it was because it was a bad “match.” But even the strongest marriages will have conflict. And, since God is, well, God, then He must know who the “best match” is for us. So we pray that he’ll give us some “sign” whether so-and-so is “The One” or not. Often, we want God to choose our spouse for us; it just seems safer or easier than choosing to love someone, without knowing how difficult or painful that will be.
Some are drawn to the idea because it sounds nice. Or easy. It seems to promise fulfullment when we’re lonely. Who doesn’t want to find the perfect love match? Some might teach that idea because it offers an easy way to try and comfort lonely singles.
It does raise lots of questions, though, for sure. If God, has some soulmate out there for you, how does He “confirm” to you that so-and-so is the right one? If your spouse dies and you re-marry, are there two “The Ones”? Lots of people will tell you that when you meet your soulmates, “you’ll just know.” Huh? How? Through a certain feeling? Signs? A storm of emotions?
Something else you’ll hear is “Make sure you wait for ‘The one’ God has – don’t settle”. Well, yikes. What could be more paralyzing?
Also, if there is such a thing as a soulmate, why has dating and marriage changed so much? Did God change His mind about how marriage is supposed to work? In ancient times, people married young, in their teens. Then, culturally, it changed to the late teens, and then the early twenties. Then, culturally, it became more common for it to be the late twenties and thirties in the modern age, apparently. Why? Does God want to “test” us futher these days?
And apparently, at first, this was all via arranged marriages, but then God changed things and along came the modern dating scene, apparently. And, apparently, it was God’s plan for people to mainyl marry wihtin their own race and social class, but then God decided to change those things, too, or something. What’s going on? And what if my spouse dies and I re-marry, as Paul said we were allowed to do? Do I have multiple soulmates?
It’s such a strange idea. “When you know, you know.” How is that helpful? It makes it sound like you bump into this “right person” and it’s immediately obvious and you never question it, ever. When you know, you know? What if I don’t know that I know? If I don’t know, does that mean this person is a no?
Something else people will say is that whatever’s happenign in your life right now is “God’s best” for you. So if you’re currently single, that’s God’s will for you today, and if you try too hard to change your circumstances, well, you’re bing rebellious and ungrateful. What if I’m currently being abused? Or homeless? Or unemployed? Is that “God’s best” for me today?
You can’t know when you know that this is the person you are to marry, but you can know if you found someone worth considering for marriage.
The Bible doesn’t say to look for “The One,” or even that there is such a thing as “The One.” Instead, it says to look for “someone” who has specific biblical character qualities, like in 1 Corinthians 7.
The idea of “matching” plays a big role here. But in order to know the “best option,” well, you have to know all the options. There’s no way you’re ever going to know every member of the opposite sex that you may find interesting. And a lot of these ideas probably jusr originated as platitudes to make people feel better when they’re hurting. It’s easier to spout platitudes than it is to offer practical advice that’ll actually help.
If marriage happens for you as a Christian, then it must be God’s will. If you end up single for you whole life, then that must be God’s will. Yeah, sure.
Of course, this raises the dreaded question of “What if I never get married?” I don’t like pondering this question, either, but it is a possibility. Statistically, though, most people do marry, so work on what you can today, to work towards the tomorrow you want. But don’t convince yourself that “The One” is out there, just waiting to be found.