I listened to a teaching by Ben Stuart on relationships a while back. One thing he said that stood out was when he met his wife. When challenges arose in their relationship, he knew she was different. Why? He wanted to work through them with her. She was worth it to him.
Unfortunately, in today’s culture, we hear all the time about avoiding toxicity in relationships. This is true. You want discernment. Don’t ignore the red flags or justify poor behavior just to be with someone. Yet, when should you stay and work through problems? How do you know when to stay or leave? When is the relationship worth it, or was it toxic from the beginning?
First, I’d say look for consistency. This can be good or bad. What is the person’s pattern? We know to look for the fruits of the Spirit and not perfection. There’s a difference between an honest mistake and a cycle of poor behavior with no efforts to change. So when you face a problem, does this person do their best to communicate? Can they admit when they’re wrong? Do they seek God with you to find a solution? Or is it always your fault? Do they manipulate or twist words to make you the problem? Look for consistency.
Second, I’d recommend communication. Yes, we all process things differently. Some are more extroverted, while others may need time to process. I even listened to another teaching that stated, “There’s a difference between taking time to process and shutting down completely.” Which one is this person? Or better, which one are you? Do they listen to understand, or do they only react to what you’re saying? Are they defensive, or do they search within to see their faults? There’s nothing wrong with healthy conflict as you are two different people seeking to find a common ground.
Third, ask “Is this worth it?” You’re going to face obstacles. No relationship is perfect, but is the work worthwhile? Do you and this person come out on the other side of the disagreement closer? Is there better understanding? Resentment? Unforgiveness and they’re holding a grudge, bringing it back up later when they claimed to forgive you? Ask the hard questions here and don’t be afraid to face the answer.
Finally, include God in this process. Not all Christian Singles think to include God in their dating life, but who knows you and your significant other better than our Creator? Ask Him to highlight red flags. Ask God to search your heart. Are you making excuses for a wrong relationship, or should you stay and do the work? Ask for His wisdom and He’ll give it to you.
Do you see Jesus in this person? Love either is or it isn’t, so even if they are pretending to be sincere, the mask will come off. Regardless of the outcome, trust God to lead you in the right direction. Even if it leads to walking away, know that He has better for your life. Don’t be afraid to start over if needed. Yet, if the answer is to stay, trust that you have grace for this person and you two will come out stronger together despite difficult times.
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus
& on Instagram @mysingleplus
