Sometimes, I catch myself marveling at how my life has unfolded—especially this year, being married still feels surreal. Just three years ago, my husband wasn’t even on my radar. I couldn’t have bumped into him on the streets or been set up by friends, because we had no connections, and he was a New York dweller, miles and experiences away from my Texas life.
Looking back, our journey to finding each other seems nothing short of God’s perfect timing. For a long while, I wrestled with the idea that maybe my prolonged singleness was a punishment or that I was somehow less deserving of love. But I’ve come to a heartening conclusion: God was never withholding love from me; He was safeguarding my heart for something extraordinary.
If you’re feeling the weight of your singleness, trust me, I understand. But it’s not a sign of God’s delay or denial. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, God won’t settle for giving you just ‘anyone’? Consider this: we’re living in a world craving the true light of Jesus. Why would God pair you with someone who’s half-hearted in their faith? Or someone who doesn’t value the sacredness of a committed relationship?
Sometimes, even those with genuine hearts aren’t meant for us, especially if they’re heading in a different direction. God, in His infinite wisdom, knows the potential for conflict that brings. He understands who’s right for us—and more importantly, when.
My husband and I? We would’ve been like oil and water if we’d met any sooner than we did. Back in 2011, or 2013, or even the early months of 2015, it wouldn’t have worked. We each had growing to do, and God in His mercy prevented us from hurting one another with the worst version of ourselves. We needed Jesus first before meeting each other. Marriage hasn’t made us perfect, but God’s grace has been our stronghold.
Remember, this isn’t just about finding a spouse. It’s about finding a partner in God’s kingdom work, someone to form a grace-filled covenant with. That’s the treasure worth waiting for. Yes, anyone can rush into marriage. You could swipe right tonight and find someone. But that’s not what you’re after, is it? Deep down, you believe in the profound value of waiting on God’s best.
I won’t sugarcoat it—waiting is hard. For some of you, it’s been longer than my 12-year stretch. But know this: your patience is not for nothing. The stories God weaves through our lives can move mountains and shine His light in the darkest corners.
People still find wonder in my marriage story, and that’s exactly what God delights in. He wants your story, whether single or united in marriage, to be a testament to His love and timing in this world that so desperately needs it.
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus
& on Instagram @mysingleplus
I know “God’s timing” is a popular idea when it comes to Christian dating, but is it really true? How much does God really involve Himself in our love lives?
Some Christians might not be single because God has a different “plan.” Some might just be single because of bad luck.
Does God promise his followers a spouse if they desire one? No.
The Bible doesn’t mention this concept anywhere. In Matthew, Jesus clearly states that some people won’t get married (19:10-12) The Bible has good things to say about both marriage and singleness. When Paul talks about this (1 Corinthians 7), he writes that, if you’re single and struggle to control sexual desires, you should try to get married. In this case, the Bible encourages marriage. It does not, however, promise that it’ll work out for you if you do decide to pursue it. He does say that not everyone has the gift of singleness. But I’m sure that there’s many who lack this gift who, despite everything, still don’t find mates. There’s also married Christians who suddenly find themselves single due to freak accidents and unspeakable tragedies.This all sounds cruel and messed up, but we live in a cruel and messed-up world. It’s not necessarily God’s “plan” or God’s “fault.” It’s just a harsh world we live in. Paul himself cautioned singles about marriage “because of the present crisis.” If a Christian is single again because their spouse suddenly died in a freak accident, is that because God wanted to “bless” them with singleness again because of how amazing and wonderful it is? I doubt it. It’s just a bad world we live in.
According to some Christians, if you’re single and never marry in your lifetime, it’s because of God’s will and calling. I don’t know about that. How are we supposed to know that for sure, exactly? Sometimes people will say this will only be revealed to you through long sessions of “prayer/meditation/contemplation,” or something like that. I’ve prayed over this for years, I still desire a relationship leading to marriage, and I still haven’t experienced success in this area of life, and I still haven’t “heard from God” on which path He supposedly wants for me. Maybe we just over-spiritualize the whole thing. And maybe God isn’t all that concerned with it. Maybe He just leaves the choice up to us.
I think cultural changes play a big role in the confusion. Dating is relatively recent phenomenon. In previous centuries of human history, parents were much more involved in finding mates for their children. These days, dating is sort of seen as something to do “for fun,” rather than for economic reasons. Parents, secular and Christian, tend to leave their children on their own to explore the “adventures” of love and hope and pray that it all works out. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But they still assume that God will come through for their kids. You see that at Christian weddings all the time. The parents will ususally come forward to pray for their children (usually into the microphone), and they almost always thank God for bringing their children together, and for answering the prayers of both parents and children. The assumption, of course, is that God played a key role in matching them and bringing them together.They won’t be able to find a Bible verse that backs that idea up, but the assumption remains. I think, perhaps unconsciously, Christians and Christian pastors are drawn to the idea of soulmates because it offers an easy way out. There’s no tough questions to ask, no obligation to practically help any Christian singles who desire marriage. “Not married? Want to get married? Discouraged or cynical about ever finding love? Not to worry! Just trust God and love Jesus! Everything will fall into place! Duh!….And if it doesn’t work out, it’s God’s will and God’s perfect plan, so stop complaining.”
If you do want to want to get married, it’s very important to build social skills, financial wisdom, a stable and well-paying career, a place to live, etc. Those things are all crucial. But it’s probably hard sometimes for pastors to find a way to fit practical advice about such topics into a sermon about Scripture.
Is God some sort of cosmic matchmaker? Maybe, I don’t know. If He is, well, He apparently forgot to inspire a biblical author to make that clear in the Bible. Maybe God has nothing to do with it. Maybe it’s just good luck and bad luck. That might sound absurd to some people. Well, the Christianese theology of “soulmates” and “waiting on the Lord” sounds equally absurd sometimes.
And it is difficult and often excrutiatingly painful. It’s OK to admit that. It’s not “idolatrous” to badly want marriage. It’s always deeply hurtful to have such strong desires for good things that remain unfulfilled, while God seems to grant them to other Christians for no apparent reason. But maybe God didn’t specifically decide to bless them with romantic love. Maybe those people just got lucky. It can sting a lot, and we don’t have to pretend otherwise by inventing silly Christianese clichés about the “gift of singleness” and “Jesus being our spouse” and “Jesus being enough,” and “being content” and “God will bring you a spouse” and other such nonsense.
I still want a relationship and marriage very badly, and it’s still painful when nothing ever seems to work out. It’s tempting to sometimes “accept” your state with resignation and try to convince yourself that it’s all a stupid, pointless waste of time. Will it ever work out for me personally? I don’t know. Does God have a plan in mind for me specifically, or for any single or married Christian who’s struggling and hurting right now? I don’t know, and how on Earth is anyone supposed to know? Will I be able to endure singleness if it lasts a lifetime? Yeah, of course. It’ll still be painful, discouraging and lonely, though. It’s OK to admit that reality.
Sure, some married might have a crazy, unlikely love story. They’ll often cite this as proof that “God works in mysterious ways,” or “God’s ways are not our ways,” or that you have to “wait on God’s timing” and a million other Christianese clichés. Or maybe they just got lucky.
Waiting is hard as Christian single, certainly. Sometimes it’s worth it, and we end up finding someone to love. Sometimes we wait and nothing ever works out. In either case, can we know for sure that it’s because of some grand design on God’s part? Who knows? It’s a bad world we live in.