“I don’t know what he was thinking.” “Is she desperate or something?” “I would never do that.”
It’s easy to give an opinion when you’re on the outside looking into someone else’s life. Social media does it all the time. How many of us are quick to point fingers, saying to ourselves we’d never do what someone else did? For example, “I don’t know why this person is settling. Don’t they know their worth?”
I see this regularly, even in the Christian Singles world, and I’ll admit it. I’ve pointed fingers. I’ve been quick in my heart to judge someone else’s poor decisions, and forgetting the times I made a few of my own. I’ve pondered in my mind when I’d see other women going with toxic men. Giving them wife benefits when there’s no covenant. Those going through terrible breakups only to get back together a few weeks later. I ask, “Why does she keep going for that type of man?”
Still, I have to ask, “What’s really going on here? Why is she going back to him? Why is she sleeping with him and they’re not married? Why is she putting up with the verbal abuse?” Then I ask myself, “Why did I settle in my past? How come I didn’t walk away sooner?”
Insecurity. Loneliness. Fear of being alone forever. Jealousy. I had to dig deep with God to discover the truth. The things I tolerated in previous relationships all stemmed from fear and insecurities. I didn’t fully believe God loved me and I didn’t love myself. So I latched onto something, thinking it could make me happy. I thought my fulfillment came from a man. Wrong.
There was also fear. Each year that passed with no spouse. No children. Was I doomed to live alone? Then I went back to the Word of God and remembered Jesus saying, “I’ll never leave or forsake you!”
And worse. Jealousy. Even if I didn’t want the relationship, the other women had, at least “they had someone.” Another mistake I made. Why would I want the least when God wants me to have His best? His blessings are worth waiting for.
I know I’m not the only one that’s faced this. When you get to the root of a problem, it’s possible others are dealing with it, too. Insecurity. Desperation. Fear, and so they’re doing things in their own power, and getting into pointless scenarios.
Now, when I look and see women going through toxic relationships, I do my best to pray for them. Not just women, but men, too. I pray they come to know who they are in Jesus Christ. As God gives me the opportunity to share with them, I ask for the right words to speak in love and truth.
While it’s easy to point fingers and say, “That’ll never be me,” I try to dig deeper. What is this person going through that’s resulting in this behavior? If it’s a bad situation, I ask God to open their eyes to know their worth. Then I step aside, realizing I can’t control the actions of other people, even if their pain can be avoided.
While there are relationships I wish I never got into, God turned it around for the good. He’s gracious enough to forgive and restore me. I learned what not to do and I’m better because of it. So I pray that we, as brothers and sisters in Christ, would pray for one another. That we won’t be so quick to judge people in their problems. Not that long ago, Jesus rescued me, so I know He can do the same for others.
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
Written by Daria White Osah
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus
& on Instagram @mysingleplus
