“Maybe I’m meant to be single for the rest of my life.” I’ve seen many Christian singles think this way because they’re not married by a certain age. They start to believe that God must be calling them to permanent singleness. Yet, it’s confusing because they still want to be married. Which one is it?
I honestly believe that those called to true singleness rarely, if ever, have the desire to be married. They’re okay with being alone and don’t think much about being in a relationship. For the rest who think they may be called to singleness but still have the desire for marriage, I don’t believe they’re called to singleness for the rest of their lives.
Some may ask, “But it hasn’t happened, and I’ve been waiting for a long time. What if it’s not meant to be?” I don’t have all the answers to these heartfelt questions, but what I can tell you is that God hears your prayers. For most Christian singles, marriage can become an idol, and sadly, it’s often put on a pedestal in some churches. Many singles feel incomplete because they’re not married. But where is this in the Bible? We are only incomplete without Jesus Christ and Him alone, not if we’re married or not.
Is marriage promised in this life? No, but there’s nothing wrong with believing God for a spouse. We just need to have the right motives. No person or spouse will complete you. Find your wholeness in Jesus first. Run hard after Him, and you never know who you’ll meet on the journey.
Stay open. Trust Him. Don’t throw in the towel because it hasn’t happened for you yet. You have no idea what God is working on behind the scenes.
Don’t let the enemy make you grow weary in the waiting. That’s his plan—to discourage you to the point where you either settle or give up altogether. God is still putting kingdom relationships together. If you’re believing for a Godly spouse, don’t give up. God knows how to bring what we need and when to bring it.
Written by Daria White Osah
Check out The Christian Singles Hub website for information on Christian matchmaking, Christian speed dating, upcoming Christian retreats, events, trips and so much more at https://thechristiansingleshub.com/
You can find Daria Here:
Devotional https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Devotional-Personal-ebook/dp/B09QRKBRGB/
Her podcast Single Plus https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/singleplus
& on Instagram @mysingleplus
I don’t know. There’s probably lots of Christian singles who desire marriage but nothing ever works out for them.
Is God the one who “calls” us to be married or single? Or is this a choice that we make? Or, perhaps, in the case of many singles, a circumstance forced on us by bad luck? I’m sure there’s many Christians who desire marriage but remain single against their will for a long time, or pehaps their whole lives.
According to some Christians, if you’re single and never marry in your lifetime, it’s because of God’s will and calling. I don’t know about that. How are we supposed to know that for sure, exactly? Sometimes people will say this will only be revealed to you through long sessions of “prayer/meditation/contemplation,” or something like that. Personally, I’ve prayed over this for years, I still desire a relationship leading to marriage, and I still haven’t experienced success in this area of life, and I still haven’t “heard from God” on which path He supposedly wants for me. Maybe we just over-spiritualize the whole thing. And maybe God isn’t all that concerned with it. Maybe He just leaves the choice up to us.
And what if you’re married Christian who’s suddenly widowed? Did that happen because God wanted to make you single again? What if you’re a new believer in a part of the world where there’s no eligible Christians to marry? Is that God’s will, too?
But, like you said, I don’t have all the answers, either.
I don’t think God promises marriage to any of us, even those of us with strong desires for it. In Matthew, Jesus clearly states that some people won’t get married (19:10-12) The Bible has good things to say about both marriage and singleness. When Paul talks about this (1 Corinthians 7), he writes that, if you’re single and struggle to control sexual desires, you should try to get married. In this case, the Bible encourages marriage. It does not, however, promise that it’ll work out for you if you do decide to pursue it. He does say that not everyone has the gift of singleness. But I’m sure that there’s many who lack this gift who, despite everything, still don’t find mates. There’s also married Christians who suddenly find themselves single due to freak accidents and unspeakable tragedies.This all sounds cruel and messed up, but we live in a cruel and messed-up world. It’s not necessarily God’s “plan” or God’s “fault.” It’s just a harsh world we live in. Paul himself cautioned singles about marriage “because of the present crisis.” If a Christian is single again because their spouse suddenly died in a freak accident, is that because God wanted to “bless” them with singleness again because of how amazing and wonderful it is? I doubt it. It’s just a bad world we live in.
Also, I think a difference in cultures can make both biblical teaching and all the Christianese clichés so difficult to understand and apply to the single life. In biblical times, and for centuries afterward, marriages tended to be arranged in some way or other, with parents being much more involved in finding mates for their children. I doubt people thought as much about “soulmates,” “The One,” or “God’s timing” back then. In modern times, we leave our kids on their own to figure all this stuff out. When they’re confused or discouraged, or feel hopeless about ever finding a mate, we “encourage” them by telling them not to worry, “God has a plan,” and “God has someone for you,” etc., even when we can’t possibly know these things for sure, and even when the Bible doesn’t contain those promises. I’ve also read that there’s more Christian girls in the world than there are guys. If that’s broadly accurate, it means not every girl will find a mate, no matter how much they want to. We live in a broken world. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean God wants it that way. Maybe He does. Maybe He doesn’t. We don’t always know, nor do we have any way of knowing. God’s will is often an inscrutable mystery when it comes to specific individual situations.
I know “God’s ways are not our ways,” and we can’t always understand how God works and all that, but maybe God doesn’t involve Himself in our romantic lives as much as we think. If I’d married young, and was happily married, I’m sure I’d come to a different conclusion. We’re all products and, if we’re not careful, prisoners, of our own experiences.
Will you ever get married? Who knows? Is it God’s plan for you to marry, or to saty single? Who knows? In the meantime, do all you can to build up a stable, healthy, and godly life for yourself, become someone that someone else will want to join their life to and, if necessary, actively date.
You also write that, “for most Christian singles, marriage can become an idol.” Well, to be fair, I have no way of knowing how “most” Christian singles view their status. And it’s not necessarily “idolizing” to simply have a strong desire for romance/marriage/sex/intimacy/children. When Paul talks about people who “burn with passion,” he doesn’t accuse those people of idolatry. He encourages those people to get married. And sure, he personally thought singleness was better, but he also clarified that it was just a personal opinion on his part. He doesn’t condemn people who want to marry.
But, like you said, I don’t have all the answers either.